Sunday, February 1, 2009

Most Birds Are Inheritantly Evil

I am not talking about adorable chickadees or happy little bluebirds or those annoying scavenger type rats with wings, pigeons & seagulls...Even though once a very ballsy seagull once swooped down at my mom & attacked the pie she was carrying. What I am thinking of is more like a hawk or a parrot or my main phobia at this time, owls.
One of my in-laws owns a gorgeous parrot, Tiki. Tiki has the mind of a 3 year old child, and beautiful vibrant feathers, but the murderess instincts of a serial killer. Unless you are the caretaker & even she isn't completely safe, you put your limbs at risk being in the same room with the bird when its free to roam. During one visit Tiki's owner was confident my husband could hold the bird on his arm, no such luck, he left with a 5 inch bloody scratch from a claw & a bruised pinch from a vengeful beak. Once after a delightful dinner Tiki was allowed to explore. My main mistake that night was that I foolishly wore sandals, my tender foot didn't stand a chance to that beak he apparently spent all day sharpening on his innocent looking toys. Skye & I joke that the USA may not even need all the military, we just need numerous companies of parrots set loose on the enemy to destroy.
Enough about parrots, lets move onto my nemesis, the owl. This fear started quite recently & I have no idea why it emerged. I know they are nocturnal & they hunt sweet innocent mice, but that's not why. At the beginning of autumn Skye & I went to a fair & they of course had the birds of prey on display. The hawks I could handle, then up ahead were the owls. Must turn back now! One look at those enormous blood thirsty eyes (wise eyes, my ass), swiveling neck & razor sharp beak had me tearing up & begging him to let me get out of there. On the snow owls you could only see those insanely creepy eyes, the rest of their face veiled in mysterious white feathers. What a pussy!! It was so embarrassing for me & he laughed a lot. A grown woman afraid of owls? If I wasn't so terrified I would have laughed too. Of course it wasn't nearly as bad as those crazed women on Maury Povich paralyzed with fear from cotton balls & pickles, but still humiliating.
A few of years ago I had the same reaction to spiders. I wouldn't scream or anything ridiculously over the top like that, but I would get teary & wince & hide. Then one day at work I saw a spider so gigantic I didn't believe it was real . Thankfully, I had my camera & through the tears of genuine fear I was able to get some decent shots of it. It was my mission at that point to photograph a spider every time I saw one & get over my fear. It mostly worked, I am still terrified of spiders & I would never volunteer to hold one, but they don't make me cry anymore & not crying is a good thing.

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